( The Letter.... )
- Mood:
contemplative
So I haven't posted anything in awhile. Not like it matters much, not very many peopl read my journals any way....
I'm totally psyched about the upcoming Convention, AnthroCon. I just can't believe my supervisor almost cut m out of my leave. Honestly! The very first day I got up there I told him, I was approved to take leave in a couple months back at my last section, and well....I would only agree to being up there if I could still go. I told him I had already bought tickets and reserved a Hotel.
Well... here a couple weeks ago, I looked at the schedule and my leave wasn't on there. I confronted him about it, and sadly...they can't support my leave. There's not enough people in this shop to cover your leave. I looked at him and said, I told you that I bought tickets and a Hotel before I came up here. I am prepared to go on EML (Emergency Moral Leave) if I have to. I am taking this leave, and if there isn't enough people up here...then you're not doing your job. It's your job to ensure this place has manning. And just because several of the guys up here are getting out of the AF and are on Terminal Leave. Means they no longer work here, and you need replacements. If your not getting replacements to cover them, before they leave...you failed.
He looked at me and said bring in your receipts, if you truly did buy them before you came up here, we'll have to bite the bullet. "Gladly~" All I said, I brought in my tickets and said, here you go. I bought them the morning of the 17th. Before I even knew about my chances of coming up here. I started on the 20th. I know because its my 5 Year Anniversary in the AF. All he could say was... damn...
Now, I have my PT test next month...Hopefully no problems from that.
| You Are a Lynx |
 You've always been extra sensitive and aware. And it's made it difficult for you to fit in. You see past people's outward personas. You are able to penetrate a stranger's soul. What you've learned about people is both beautiful and ugly. And you keep these secrets to yourself. |
I uploaded a SHIT TON of photos to my photobucket account of my adventure I had last weekend on the island. There's gonna be a SHIT TON MORE this weekend too. And to avoid uploading a bunch of photos on FA, I'm just gonna link you guys to the folders I uploaded the photos to.
Enjoy~
He co-wrote the song itself, and did the video. It's a wonderful song so I hope everyone enjoys it.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2gQ54VJWb
You Are a Boxer |
 You are playful and energetic. You bring joy to everyone who crosses your path. You are hyper to the point of being a comedian. Everyone is wondering what you will do next. You energy can get the better of you if you're not careful. You can have a destructive streak when you're bored. You're very strong willed and powerful. You get you way without even trying to. |
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Yeah I know. First Journal entry from me in a while and it's only a Meme...
I can't stand day off's with no one to go out with! Since I have no one to go out and share experiences with, I spend my time sitting around my room going INSANE!
I've already gotten bored of everything, except Photoshop....which is gradually taking over every other priority I've set on a nightly basis. Because I can spend HOURS in Photoshop and never finish a picture. Just so I can restart all over and make it better or try something else out. See what simple and complex images I can make.
How to know when I want to use a realistic looking shading/coloring versus a slightly cartoonish style. AND perfecting both styles....
I swear, Photoshop has become my WoW-Crack-Addiction...
What gets me is, I don't know which is worse!
After months of trying to get the system to update me and show me as completed, someone made the decision to just send me again. Unfortunately, I have a bad memory problems and can't remember exactly who said it. So I'm gonna possibly take the brunt of a landslide of shit.
So, yeah...any one who might have been wondering what has been going on in my life...its been one disaster after another over the last month.
1. Open your music library.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.
( meme info )
( Meme Information )
Wow, I eat out a lot!
Last night was kinda fun. We finally got a plane off the ground thats been broken for a couple months. Everyone was crossing their fingers it wouldn't fall out of the sky.
Anywho, my shop and I climbed up into it to do some pressurization checks. and just as we began all the fun stuff, I noticed that we had some unexpected company.
( Pictures )
The webs were easily 2 feet across, and I was kinda hoping the inhabitants would show up with more detail, but my flash made them light up like that...Oh well. It was fun, freaked out my supervisor, as you can see in the above picture. xP
There was roughly 3 of these little guys all over the cockpit.
post that picture with NO editing.
post these instructions with your picture.( Big Picture )
I did this a couple days ago, I've just been waiting on Photobucket to upload the damn files....
Anywho, I had just gotten home from shift. As you can see, I'm still partially in uniform. And yes, I've had a hair cut since this picture was taken.
I shed a Tear of Sadness for the Innocent;
May they always be Remembered.
I shed a Tear of Pride for the Brave;
May they always be Honored.
I shed a Tear of Humility for the Scared;
May they always be Protected.
I shed a Tear of Defiance for the Accused;
May they always be Fortified.
I shed a Tear of Anguish for the Wounded;
May they always be Rhapsodic.
I shed a Tear of Nihility for the Nemesis;
May the always be Damned.
I shed a Tear of Fervor for the Cavalry;
May they always be Sanctified.
I have shed Seven Tears for Seven Years.
May my prayers continue to rise,
As long as only these Tears fall.
~Tears~
(C)91108 - Houshou Rattengod
I'll be fine, I'll ride this thing out and post up some whacked up entries of shit that happened during the 'shut-in' from the Typhoon. I'm actually headed over to a friends house *crosses fingers the request gets approved* and chill with them through the whole thing.
It is possible we will lose power and internet, so if you don't hear from me don't panic. I could just be going crazy without all of you.
Sincerely,
Houshou
Anywho, we just finished cutting me out, and I just realized there was no pictures taken during the process. Mainly because the husband has just had some medical issues, so his wife started the process. Now, I want to say a few things here regarding my experience with making a DTD that you really don't see in the couple tutorials I've seen on the internet.
1: Ensure, that you have had 8 - 10 cups of water the day before, and even several throughout the day of.
I don't know if it was because of the type of Duct Tape I got, but during the process I started to get really hot, and I could barely breathe, and I started to burp, and with the burps came the really delicious smell of stomach acids. This is about when we woke the husband up and he helped finish the process.
2: In the event something goes wrong, ensure someone in the room with you knows basic Self Aid Buddy Care.
I'm not just saying CPR, but also shock and the other easy to perform without a medical personnel techniques. I'm not saying you should rely on this other person in favor of a medical person. But, someone who can help other than standing around going 'Oh shit! Oh shit!'.
Like I said in the previous paragraph, I started to taste dinner, but I also started to get light headed and dizzy. Now, I know it wasn't because my knees were locked, they were bent. But, more probably because I had been wrapped up decently snug and then stood on my feet in that position for roughly 3 hours. That's right, 3 HOURS I stood on my feet, stuck in one position.
3: Ensure that a minimum of two people will be helping you out.
I know each tutorial you can find says 1 person is enough to do this. But take it from me, with 1 person you're going to run into a time issue versus how long you can stand still. More people who help you out, the merrier the entire situation will be.
So...yeah. Joy.... It'll be in the mail in like a week, I can't remember if you gave me an address to ship it to or not. Send me a note, ok?
And unfortunately Joy. You're the first commission of mine with a deadline. You got till Anthrocon 2009 to have it done. Is that long enough? I would like it sooner, but if you can't get it to me before than, than at AC'09 is good fur me.
Well, I'm tired as shit. It's been fun yall, I gtg.
TTFN
~Houshou
- Mood:
relieved
0= I don't know you
1= I like you
2= I love you!!
3= You are funny
4= You are cool
5= I don't really care for your personality
6= I want to fuck you
7= You are sexy!
8= You have a nice body
9= I want to get to know you
10= I hope you die
11= Marry me, PLEASE?
12= wanna yiff later?
13= lets cuddle
14= Let's go have some fun ;)
15= Wanna date some time?
You may select multiple numbers :)
*Comments Screened*
And finally....
I'm done. I'm not taking anymore. I think yall should have a good idea of who I am from that.
( 100 Book Meme )
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So sit back, grab a drink, and make sure you have plenty of time to read. I like to type, as I can express myself via words so much more than I can with actual vocal speech.
Today we had an actual official training day. The last few training days we've had have been shit-stained and just in general, not worth the effort. Past training days have been, ensuring that we were 100% complete with all computer based training. Going to meeting after meeting and sitting there and have people tell us statistics of the last years worth of fuck-ups and how they want to stress we need to do this and do that to ensure we don't repeat all of these unnecessary mishaps.
Today, we actually got to go out to the aircraft without intention of fixing something and actually looking at parts, and where they are located. Great, fun, that's nice. smiles and two thumbs up But....those scenario's are kinda mixed. Yes, you learn quite a bit about where things are located. But every single one of the supervisors, will have some sort of story where that part failed and they couldn't figure out what the fuck was wrong, until they changed that part and BOOM. Problem solved, case closed.
That's what the rest of the shop did today. I, however, took today for what it was worth. I was asked to put some dates in my "competency folder". Pretty much a record of things that I have accomplished and/or feel comfortable doing and a supervisor saying, "Yes, he is competent enough to perform this task without a supervisor over his shoulder." And I can thereafter perform task. Of course, if I fuck up, the signatures can get erased, and I lose that task(s) and must prove to more people of how competent I am at those tasks, again. No problem. So, I opened it up, and I said, "I don't really feel too comfortable putting any dates in here. I personally don't like the idea of having start dates on a bunch of stuff I have very limited knowledge on. I do, however, feel I could get some start dates in this one entire section. I've been reading up on that section all last week, and well...I feel I know a decent amount about it."
Now, I'mma have to put the nice story on hold to give you guys a little background of things that have been going on here, and a little before that.
Start at my last base. Beale AFB, CA. I was stationed with the 12AMU, at Beale AFB. The aircraft there, in that squadron is the R-Q4A Global Hawk. They may or may not have the 'B' Model by now, I don't know (and don't care). Karma, smiled on me and gave me the one base I wanted. On top of that, she also gave me the squadron I wanted to go to (The one I am currently in). Then she said, go to Florida. Have a great time, oh and while you are down there. Why don't you just take this nice little rental car and go be a Furry for a Weekend in Atlanta. Meet more friends, and more good people, and join a community full of generally all around nice and wonderful people.
But Karma....is a bitch. I am naturally accident prone. I don't need Karma's help. But when you take from her candy jar, that she so graciously leaves out. You're gonna get whats comin' to ya. For me, I'd been having some real depression issues, even before I left California. And when I got here, I was excited. I was in Japan! I was working on the aircraft that I want to work on. I have plans that I would like to do before I get out of the military, and I only have that opportunity while I am in the military. SO I'm all fired up for this.
But, I have a speech problem. I can't control the tone of my voice and I'm a sarcastic mouthy piece of shit. I say and do stuff with good and meaningful intentions. But it's not what they want. They heard I was in the Base Honor Guard for Beale AFB, and they had this image of me before I got here, that I was some sort of hot shit airman who was everything. I get here, and shoot that thought of me right in the foot. Most of the people I work with, seriously do not like me, and I seriously do not understand why. It's really even more depressing...
Ok, so about the people in my 'shop'. Shops are pretty much just broken down into systems for the aircraft. Instead of having a bunch of Jack-of-All-Trades (Master of None), they split us into shops. Where we study certain systems assigned to our shop. This way my shop is the masters of this system, and another shop is the masters of another system, and we can more or less fix/build an entire aircraft between us. That's a nice summary of it all.
Pretty much, no one thinks I am competent at my job. I'm accident prone like mad, I seriously can not express this enough. It takes me hours to do something that most anyone else, would do in half an hour. I like to think about what I am doing, and how I am going to do it. I don't like rushing into things. I did that just a little over a couple weeks ago. I removed a panel in which I wanted to get behind. But, I wasn't thinking and didn't think to turn electrical power off before removing the panel. I almost fried a bunch of other electronics, and myself, all because, I just wanted to see what was going on behind this panel so I could determine where to go from there. My guess at what the problem was, was correct. And the problem was fixed in minutes flat, but the only thing everyone saw was what had happened, and what could have happened. And it made me look like a fuck up. A couple of the other younger airman in the shop told me that they never would have thought to go where I did, first. Said, they would have been out there probably all damn night before they found the problem. But still, that's not any one with a direct supervisory roll over me. That's a couple (2) peers.
I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I wasn't feeling great. Not in a journal (I don't think) but in passing to some friends. Turns out, I have a sinus infection. It happened to flare up and get pretty bad that week or so. I ended up sleeping through Squadron PT. I got scolded for this, and I knew I deserved it. No biggy, I'll just make next week. No, I was still sick by the time it came around again. So I figured, I'd call the clinic and see if I can get seen that day. A couple people told me I looked and sounded like shit. So, I was doing them a favor. I was told to call back in the afternoon, get this, to make an appointment to be seen, atleast 1 week later.
So I call back at like, 1300 and say ya. I called earlier and I would like to get seen. Apparently, if she had been doing her job, I could have been seen that day. But I had to wait till the next morning. But the doctor wanted to talk to me over the phone. She was seeing another patient but would call me when she was done. So I waited for that phone call. About 1350ish I got that phone call, and talked to her till 1405-1410. I said, oh shit. I missed PT, again! And this time I was in some serious shit. Not like I wasn't already the favorite joke in the offices.
To just recap all that, there's a bunch of people over me. Who don't have this very nice picture of me. I try to do things with good intentions, I haven't truly fucked something up. I've just had the bumps and bruises that, 'stand out'.
Now, there's a couple supervisors in the shop, that I like. In fact, I don't think there isn't one Supervisor in my shop I don't admire in some small way. But its the fact that, I get this look from them that's like: "What the hell do you want, this time?" or "Shut up so I can get back to spreading rumors of you behind your back."
I get that kind of look from those people, whom are supposed to be training me. Those people, that once they leave in only a few months. Me and the rest of the new guys will be left here by ourselves. These older individuals won't be around much longer, we can't continue to use them as a crutch. Once they leave, its on me. I don't feel ready for them to leave. Especially not with the image of the me that they have.
So I can wallow in my own self pity and continue to dig deeper into a depressed state, or I can do something about it. But to change their minds on how they view me, thats going to take a lot of work. I'm going to have to prove myself to these guys, that I am competent. I do want learn this aircraft. That I am a good and hard worker. That, I am just as accident prone as I say I am. I told myself I wouldn't tell any more lies, once I got here to this base. And, I've told 2 lies. Both of which, were dumb and I got in shit for them. Sometimes I wish, I could go back in time and change, only things that I have said, not done. Not said some things, when I did, or changed how it was presented. But we gotta live with our mistakes, and what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
So I figured, the only way I can prove myself to these people that I can do my job and better than most of the other kids in the shop. I started studying, and boy is my head spinning. I've probably spent time studying the manuals and tech data, then I spent my entire High School career studying (and I studied pretty damn hard for my Novel Administrations test). I actually was getting into the habit of studying again. I swear, work and this aircraft is almost the only thing I can think about. I've studied that hard, and it's only for a fraction of everything.
Back to the original story. I didn't go out with the gaggle of people and look at parts. I got books out and read about the parts. Chit-chatted about the system with one of those supervisors I would like to prove myself to, and I think I may have, even if it were just a tiny little spark. I was able to follow him most of the time, and stay in conversation about one subject of the aircraft. But I had only touched the surface. I need to go deeper into the material, truly turn this into a College Class type deal and really, truly, honestly, study my ass off. I'm not certain, but today, with one supervisor. I think, he saw that I am putting an effort into this. I am trying to learn these systems. It's just a lot of knowledge to take in.
And thats the other side of the coin. Sure, its nice that I can pull a book out, and study it. Know the book inside and out. You have no idea what kind of euphoria I get when I finally and truly understand something. But knowledge will only take me so far. I need to be able to actually perform the tasks as well. Which means I need to be more in shape, I need to spend more time in the gym and on the track. So I've got the mindset, to kill myself with an overload of information, and yet, some how physically incapacitate my body.
All the while, all I want is the recognition that I feel I deserve. I don't deserve to be treated like the gum stain on the bottom of a shoe. I don't deserve to have so much negativity surrounding my name. Everyone, I see it. They all look at me, glaring. With those unblinking stares, condensending tones, sarcastic remarks, and derogatory nicknames. Most of this isn't from inside the shop I'm in. This is coming from the other shops I work with and around. Constantly I hear, is that Houshou? No, go away. I don't want to talk to you. Send me someone who is worth a shit.
I don't know if you guys reading this can imagine what kind of emotional distress does to someone. That's all I have heard since I got here. How, I'm not worth a shit. Go get someone else. You can't do anything, so just sit back and let someone else do the work. I get put down so much at work, its nearly suffacating.
But I can't let it get to me. I've got to stand up, and walk as best as I can forward. I don't like the fact that I've been sitting on my ass, being a whiny bitch and not getting what I want. I'm not crying anymore because someone won't help me get what I wanted. It's back to me doing things for me. Cause then I can only blame myself.
So I'm moving forward. I have stood still for far too long. I forgot what it felt like to move forward. Everyone has a reason in their life why they want to better themselves, and the worse part of it this is, it changes. Whether you know it or not, it changes. And when it does change without you knowing it, you'll find it if you want it.
Tomorrow, its today all over again. Maybe I can show someone else, that I am doing my best to move forward.
What is it that drives you?
(X) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
SO FAR: 1
Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
( ) Dumped someone
(x) Been Fired
(x) Been In A Fist Fight
SO FAR: 4
Level 3
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped Class
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die
SO FAR: 7
Level 4
(X) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Furaffinity Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
(X) Thrown Up From Drinking
SO FAR: 10
Level 5
(x) Eaten Sushi
(X) Been Snowboarding
(x) Met Someone Through Internet
(x) Been in a Mosh Pit
SO FAR: 14
Level 6
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Liked/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel
SO FAR: 18
Level 7
(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
(X) Gone mudding
(x) Played Dress Up
SO FAR: 23
Level 8
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(x) Gone Sledding
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School
SO far: 28
Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake
(X) Killed A Snake
SO FAR: 31
Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(x) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood
SO FAR: 35
Level 12
(x) Won A Contest
(X) Been Suspended From School
(X) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident
SO FAR: 39
Level 13
(x) Had / Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight
SO FAR : 42
Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look
(x) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(X) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
SO FAR: 46
Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying (Heat Stroke Body Temp 105.1+)
SO FAR: 50
Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins
SO FAR: 55
Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
( ) Kissed In The Rain
SO FAR: 58
Level 18
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach Or Anywhere
SO FAR: 62
Level 19
( ) Crashed A Party
(x) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey
SO FAR: 64
Level 20
(x) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"
( ) Swam With Dolphins
SO FAR: 66
Level 21
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cubes
(x) Kicked A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top and watched the stars (And a Lightning Storm)
SO FAR: 70
Level 22
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(x) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed up for a while talking to someone you care about
SO FAR: 74
Level 23
(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
SO FAR: 78
Level 24
(x) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
(x) Visited Jail
SO FAR: 80
Level 25
(x) Played Chinese Chicken
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
(x) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused
SO FAR: 85
Level 26
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed
SO FAR: 89
Level 27
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
(x) French Braided Someones Hair
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
(x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
SO FAR: 96
Level 28
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
( ) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed
SO FAR: 99
Level 29
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
(x) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone
SO FAR: 104
Level 30
(x) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
(x) Flattened someones tires
(x) Rode in a car/truck until the gas light came on
(x) Got five dollars or less worth of gas
TOTAL: 108
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houshoufsod- Houshou the Flying Squirrel of Death
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